January 5th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

Above: Looks like we won’t be needing THAT sign anymore!

Apple today delivered a two-punch PR combo meant to finally put to rest any rumors about Steve Jobs’ health, or any plans he may have to leave Apple. First came a rare letter from Steve Jobs himself, which reads:

“Dear Apple Community,

For the first time in a decade, I’m getting to spend the holiday season with my family, rather than intensely preparing for a Macworld keynote.
Unfortunately, my decision to have Phil deliver the Macworld keynote set off another flurry of rumors about my health, with some even publishing stories of me on my deathbed.
I’ve decided to share something very personal with the Apple community so that we can all relax and enjoy the show tomorrow.
As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.
Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause — a hormone imbalance that has been “robbing” me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.
The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and I’ve already begun treatment. But, just like I didn’t lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this Spring to regain it. I will continue as Apple’s CEO during my recovery.
I have given more than my all to Apple for the past 11 years now. I will be the first one to step up and tell our Board of Directors if I can no longer continue to fulfill my duties as Apple’s CEO. I hope the Apple community will support me in my recovery and know that I will always put what is best for
Apple first.
So now I’ve said more than I wanted to say, and all that I am going to say, about this.

Steve”

Pretty straightforward and convincing, if you ask me, and at this point, even if he were found to be lying, I think we all have to agree Steve’s making it clear that he wants us all to drop the health thing. It also puts to rest any rumors of Steve jumping ship in the near future.

Of course, since the media (ourselves included) can be pretty obtuse, Apple’s Board of Directors decided to release THEIR own official statement regarding Jobs just to drive the point home:

It is widely recognized both inside and outside of Apple that Steve Jobs is one of the most talented and effective CEOs in the world.
As we have said before, if there ever comes a day when Steve wants to retire or for other reasons cannot continue to fulfill his duties as Apple’s CEO, you will know it.
Apple is very lucky to have Steve as its leader and CEO, and he deserves our complete and unwavering support during his recuperation. He most certainly has that from Apple and its Board.

So there you have it. If Steve Jobs isn’t healthy, or decides to leave Apple, Apple’s Board is more or less telling us they will have to fake his death in a car accident.

But I think Steve’s OK.

January 5th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

On the Eleventh Day After Christmas, Macenstein gave to you (or, more accurately, gave you a chance to win…) A Realmac Software bundle featuring your very own copies of RapidWeaver and LittleSnapper !

RapidWeaver is so full of awesomeness, you should really check out all its features.

First up is RapidWeaver, the web design app that will have you looking like a pro in no time, or, if you already are a pro, having you looking pretty much the same, but with more free time. With 40 built-in templates, 10 page types, and tons of plug-ins, you’ll be cranking out Photo albums from your iPhoto library, blogs, flash slideshows, podcasts and more in a matter of minutes, and the sites not only won’t suck, they’ll actually look like you knew what you were doing! RapidWeaver was built for Leopard and has a slick interface and tons of cool features like built-in Google Analytics support, favicon creation, one-click publishing (even to MobileMe), and a robust user community of over 23,000 members and growing. Even if you don’t win you should download the free 30 day trial here and check it out, it really is quite slick.

Above: “HULK SMASH!” LittleSnapper is a screengrab app on Steroids, without the roid rage and acne!

Next we have LittleSnapper. Don’t let the name fool you, LittleSnapper is big on features, and if you are looking for a better way to grab snapshots of webpages, your desktop, or pretty much anything, odds are LittleSnapper has got you covered. LittleSnapper not only lets you snap pages or page elements (sort of like Safari’s webclips) but it also allows you to build a library of your snaps for latter viewing or editing. You can make non-destructive annotations, share snaps with friends and clients via Flickr or FTP. One of my personal favorite features of LittleSnapper is it can take a shot of an entire webpage, even parts that are off the screen, so I no longer have to do stitching in Photoshop.

To enter: Since both RapidWeaver and LittleSnapper are all about creating and saving amazing web pages, simply tell us what the 2ND best website in the world is (We’ll assume Macenstein.com is number one). Yes, we know we’re opening ourselves to your shameless self-promotion, but whatever. Plug away. Winners will be picked randomly 7 days later and notified (kind of like in The Ring, only with less killing… we hope). Open to all readers world-wide. Good luck, and thanks for reading Macenstein! (Oh, and be sure to enter ALL our “12 Days AFTER Christmas” Giveaways!)
Please note: Comments may take a while to show up, please do not double-post. Thanks!

January 4th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

It’s rare that so close to a Macworld the rumor mill would have more interest in what Steve Jobs is up to than what new products Apple might unveil, but if you didn’t like the whacked out “Obama will appoint Jobs CTO” rumor, maybe you’ll like this…

” a RUMOUR… from my source… is that Steve Jobs has a pre-recorded video message to be played at MacWorld, and some Apple employees are speculating he is announcing that he is becoming Chairman of the Board, and appointing Phil Schiller as CEO.”

Such are the words of an anonymous source who apparently spells “rumor” with an extra “U”, so we’re assuming that he has a cool sounding accent, like the bad guys in Star Wars, and therefore should be both respected, feared, and likely not trusted.

To date we have not heard anything of Steve’s Macworld plans, or if he even intends to show up in person at all, but the idea of a video message can only further fuel the rumors (excuse me, rumours) surrounding his health, so if Steve IS passing the torch to Schiller, I certainly hope he is able to do so on stage.

January 4th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

Not to keep harping on what does and does not warrant an age appropriate rating in the iTunes app store, but for the love of God, this man’s ASSHOLE IS CLEARLY VISIBLE!

My favorite line in the description of Fart Machine:

“With lots of realistic sounding farts and nice animations, this machine is state of the fart.”

NICE animations? How “nice” can they be? I’m not saying the iPhone doesn’t need 50 or 60 farting applications – it clearly does – but… that man’s ASSHOLE IS CLEARLY VISIBLE!

January 4th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

Remember when the “Dell Dude” got busted for smoking pot, and lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in future endorsements when Dell dropped him from their “Dude! You’re getting a Dell!” ad campaign? Of course you do, odds are it was one of the happiest days of your life. Well, looks like Justin “I’m a Mac” Long might be looking to test just how lenient Apple’s policies towards pot are.

In a rather odd move, Long has written and stars in a new short film entitled “Hunger Relief” in which he plays a stoned pot head. So, what’s the problem? Well, as an actor, Long obviously is allowed to play any number of characters, so this in and of itself is certainly not grounds to arouse Apple’s anger. However, the fact that in the film Long talks ON HIS iPHONE while HOLDING A BONG might.

So, what’s the deal? Obviously Long could have been talking on a regular cordless home phone without sacrificing the artistic vision of the film. Is Long trying to get fired from the ads which have likely made him ten times as much money as his stellar movie career, or did he discuss this part with Apple beforehand? I would think that since “I’m A Mac” is now officially being used as Long’s middle name (at least by us) might be both a reason Apple might have to address this with Long, and a reason Long might want to break ties with Apple before his type-casting becomes irreversible. Like it or not, Long is “The Mac Guy”, and he’s portraying an Apple product in a pro-drug light here.

But is there really anything for Long or Apple to worry about? Obviously “Hunger Relief”, like all short films, will be seen by no one, so odds are this move will likely not hurt Apple’s “I’m a Mac” ad campaign, and perhaps the “hip, cool, Apple buying public” will even think Long is extra cool for smoking pot. But given that last we heard Ben Curtis (The Dell Dude) is now a waiter at Tortilla Flats , why would Long rock the boat?

Remember Justin, these days all it takes is one angry mom with a pen to cause an uproar with a line like “Won’t somebody think of the children!” and it’s game over. (Damn kids, ruining everything.)

Thanks to faithful Macenstein reader ishervin for the tip!
[via Appletell]

January 4th | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

On the Tenth Day After Christmas, Macenstein gave to you (or, more accurately, gave you a chance to win…) A Logitech diNovo Keyboard Mac® Edition !

Play your cards right, and those could be YOUR hands! (Assuming you’re a woman, or a man who lotions).

Well, I’ll be honest. When this one came in I seriously contemplated keeping it for myself and pretending one of you guys won it, but I’m just too damn honest (or… am i?).

The Logitech diNovo Keyboard Mac® Edition looks awesome with its ultra-slim profile, piano-black finish, and brushed-aluminum palm rest designed to perfectly match the design aesthetic of your Mac desktop or notebook, and the comfortable, fluid, and silent keys are designed to make typing a dream compared to those clackety chicklet keyboards you may be used to using. And best of all, the thing is wireless, so assuming you have an 8 foot monitor, you can use it from across the room and type in the relative comfort of your sofa or Craftmatic Adjustable Bed.

To enter: Since the diNovo Keyboard is designed for typing, and you usually type words, simply tell us what your favorite word in the whole wide world is (sorry, “Gravitas” has already been taken by Kiefer Sutherland) . Winners will be picked randomly 7 days later and notified (kind of like in The Ring, only with less killing… we hope). Open to all readers world-wide. Good luck, and thanks for reading Macenstein! (Oh, and be sure to enter ALL our “12 Days AFTER Christmas” Giveaways!)
Please note: Comments may take a while to show up, please do not double-post. Thanks!

January 3rd | Posted by Dr. Macenstein

Once every 200 years or so a piece of wishful thinking comes along that is so amazingly out there, so obviously pulled from someone’s ass, that you simply have to ask “What if?“. Obviously, 1809’s wishful thinking (that The Treaty of the Dardanelles be signed at Chanak January 5 by representatives of Britain and the Ottoman Empire to affirm the principle that no warship of any nation may enter the Straits of the Dardanelles and the Bosphorus) came true, so given that Macworld begins exactly 200 years to the day of that important event, I am more willing than usual to entertain this intriguing idea put forth by my good friend Michael Contaxis of Mac Soda…

What if…?

What if Steve’s “One More Thing” this year (or more accurately, Phil Schiller’s “One More Thing”), is to call Steve Jobs on stage and announce that he is leaving Apple not due to health reasons, but because he has been appointed to Barack Obama’s cabinet with the title of Chief Technology Officer? Obama has sworn to create the new cabinet post to help the government communicate better within its own agencies and with the people in general, and Contaxis thinks Jobs might have landed the gig.

Hmmm…

Well, it would certainly be cool, from a fanboy’s point of view, and if Steve ever were to announce he was leaving Apple for any non-life threatening reason, this is pretty much the only one that would not only NOT get him booed off stage, but may actually earn him a heart-felt standing ovation.

But Back to reality. Why would anyone think Steve has a Zune’s chance in Cupertino of being selected as the new CTO? Well, to support his argument, (Continue reading…)