Why does it seem that only old people win stuff?
Filed under: Cynicism, Opinion, Slow News Day, You Bet I'm Pissed
When it was announced yesterday that the winner of the iTunes 10 billionth song giveaway was 71 year-old Louie Sulcer, I was torn. On the one hand, I was happy for Louie – he seems like a nice fellow, easy going, and into Johnny Cash apparently. But on the other hand, I HATE Louie with a passion. Why? Because he’s OLD, that’s why.
Now granted, Louie appears to be more with it than your average 71 year-old in that he not only owns an iPod but actually knows how to purchase songs for it via the iTunes store. But let’s face it, odds are even if Louie bought two songs a day for the rest of his life (we’ll estimate he’s got about 13 years left, given his age and weight) he STILL won’t be able to go through that $10,000 in iTunes points.
The same thing goes for the big multi-state lotteries. I can’t remember the last PowerBall or Mega Millions that wasn’t won by someone over 65.
I’m not bitter about Louie’s win (although I AM bitter about losing all the Mega Millions drawings). I didn’t try buying an iTunes song Wednesday even though all the Mac sites predicted the winning song was going to be bought that day. “You have to be in it to win it” as they say, and I have long since switched to buying songs on the cheaper Amazon store. But something about seeing a 71 year-old win anything technological just pisses me off. I feel like he won a Slingbox, 50 feet of Cat5 cable, a Roomba, and an Xbox 360 Modern Warfare 2 Limited Edition Console.
I know I’m insensitive, but it just feels wrong. Am I crazy?
Attention Time Travelers: Your iPhone may not work in 1990
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, History, Slow News Day, iPhone, video
I knew there was a reason I didn’t throw out my Motorola MicroTAC 9800X!
Faithful Macenstein reader Colin writes:
I was bored and trying to find something to watch on Hulu when I saw this:
I thought you’d get a kick out of it, apparently going back in time 17 years totally screws with the iPhone.
Wow Colin. You know, I’ve been bored before, but I guess I’ve never achieved the “Let’s see if there’s any old Journeyman episodes on Hulu” level of boredom before. Of course if any of us went back in time 17 years the first thing we’d do is try to find a way to buy as much Apple stock as we could… unfortunately we would die of Facebook and Twitter withdrawal long before we could figure out how to invest without the internet.
Can’t afford a snowboard? Just use two PowerBooks!
Filed under: Awesomeness, Humor, Mods, Tips/How To, video
These things may not be able to run snow Leopard, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have fun in the snow!
Thanks to faithful Macenstein reader Florian for the tip!
[via Zweck Entfremder]
“Felicity” predicts iPad in 1999
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, Girls, WTF, iPad, video
Felicity’s writers might not have been able to predict that letting their star cut her hair would doom the show, but the DID predict the iPad a full11 years before Steve unveiled it.
Thanks to faithful Macenstein reader Mike for the tip!
Wow, I wish “Flash” were playing… get it? Flash?
Filed under: Apple Bashing, Apple Fanboyism, Awesomeness, OS X
I just happen to be experiencing a TON of beachballs today with my Adobe products (After Effects, mainly) and remembered this pic. (BTW, Photoshop is clearly hotter than Illustrator.)
[via 9gag]
iBook Slippers keep your feet toasty while pole dancing
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, Awesomeness, Girls, Humor
It’s long been known the number one problem facing strippers during the winter months is frostbite. Well, one inventive gal has come up with a solution that doesn’t get in the way of her chosen profession. Behold the iBook slippers.
Given the current value of the iBook, these might actually be cheaper than regular slippers. (Warning, do not watch this video on your iPhone, as it is probably considered “overtly sexual” by Apple)
(Slightly Used) Glass step from Apple’s 5th Avenue store staircase up for grabs on eBay!
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, Awesomeness, That's Weird..., WTF
“And you’re buying… a stairway… to heaven…” Or at least the next best thing! A stair from Apple’s 5th Avenue store!
Faithful Macenstein reader Mark sent us this link to an eBay listing for one slightly used (ie CRACKED) glass riser from the infamous glass staircase at Apple’s 5th Avenue store staircase.
As you can see, the crack is hardly noticeable!
Hey guys! So, this is a weird one.
I’m moving on March 11th and I can’t keep moving with this stair. It’s from Apple Fifth Ave. in NYC. They have a huge spiral staircase you can see here: http://images.apple.com/retail/fifthavenue/images/fifthavenue_gallery_image4.jpg
They replaced it with a new one after a customer dropped a snapple bottle on it and cracked it. I picked it up before it could be thrown out over a year ago, figuring it’s a collectible.
When these are new, they cost 10K to buy from the German glass-makers. So, since it’s cracked I figure it’s worth at least $2500, considering the steps are all custom ordered.
You could use it as a coffee table on top of some cinder blocks, or just keep it for the sake of keeping it.
Unfortunately, I can’t deliver it. You’ll need to come pick it up in Brooklyn, NY, and I recommend you bring a car and a friend or two. It weighs about 250 lbs. It’s about 10 layers of very thick glass.
If you’re a collector of Apple memorabilia, you’ve got to have this. I know for a fact that only three of them exist outside of the retail stores’ circulation, and this is one of them. So, needless to say, it’s rare. I doubt it if you’ll ever see something like this again.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask away.
Thanks!
(Wow, you sure they dropped just a Snapple bottle on it, and not the Snapple LADY?! Ba dum bum!)
All kidding aside, this is so awesome! Just think, for only $2500, I could have a 250 lb piece of cracked glass I don’t know what to do with. It would go great with the burnt, water-logged carpet I had installed from that office fire at Apple headquarters awhile back. I’m quite the “Damaged Apple memorabilia” buff.
Why is Apple treating apps differently than movies and songs?
Filed under: Apple Bashing, Cynicism, That's Weird..., WTF, stupid
For quite a few years now Apple has been selling R-rated movies and sexually explicit songs on its iTunes store. In fact, half of the current Top 10 movies on iTunes are either Rated R or Unrated for scenes of nudity and sexual content.
Currently 20% of Apple’s top 100 iTunes music chart are labeled as “explicit”, due to profanity and strong sexual material.
Despite having the same ratings and parental controls in place for Applications as they do for movies and music, two days ago Apple inexplicably decided to begin pulling all apps from the app store that contain “objectionable” sexual material. One developer, jonaeu from Chilifresh, whose “Wobble” app was pulled (despite not containing any nudity or even images of women) actually called Apple and received the following outline for what types of content are now too sexually explicit for the app store:
1. No images of women in bikinis (Ice skating tights are not OK either)
2. No images of men in bikinis! (I didn’t ask about Ice Skating tights for men)
3. No skin (he seriously said this) (I asked if a Burqa was OK, and the Apple guy got angry)
4. No silhouettes that indicate that Wobble can be used for wobbling boobs (yes – I am serious, we have to remove the silhouette in this pic)
5. No sexual connotations or innuendo: boobs, babes, booty, sex – all banned
6. Nothing that can be sexually arousing!! (I doubt many people could get aroused with the pic above but those puritanical guys at Apple must get off on pretty mundane things to find Wobble “overtly sexual!)
7. No apps will be approved that in any way imply sexual content (not sure how Playboy is still in the store, but …)
So what’s the deal? The cult horror classic “Last House on the Left” (iTunes link) has a very disturbing rape scene of teenage girls, but apparently that’s fine. However a shot of a woman wearing a bikini is now taboo. It’s fine for Apple to sell songs about “Fucking ho’s”, but a silhouette of a girl is now no longer allowed in an app.
What am I missing here?
Is it just me or isn’t letting “kids” buy movies and songs featuring celebrities that they idolize, acting out and speaking explicitly about sex far more damaging than allowing an app featuring CLOTHED WOMEN (albeit not wearing exactly snow pants) to be sold? Let me remind you, none of the apps being pulled by Apple currently contain ANY nudity, nor images of people having sex. In fact, despite having a 17+ rating, NONE of them actually contain anything that a PG-13 movie doesn’t. They simply show attractive women in bathing suits. However, there is full frontal nudity and full on sex available for sale in the iTunes Movie store.
Even more baffling is that, at the moment at least, Apple has allowed both the Playboy and Sport Illustrated apps to remain in the store. In fact, one developer who recently had his Bikini girl app “Box Score Babes” pulled posted this comparison between his app and the SI swimsuit app which is still available for sale.
The only logical explanation?
Well, actually I wouldn’t call it “logical”, but all I can think is that Apple is SEVERELY over-reacting to whatever bizarre letter writing campaign a couple of religious yokels have organized, and decided to clean up the app store to make their iPod touch more like “Nintendo”. Of course, this is a ridiculous argument as any kid old enough to have their own iTunes account (and credit card) knows how to type in “blow job” into the Safari browser and get ACTUAL sexual content on their iPod. In fact, most of them probably already know that Bing is even better for doing this. Whether we like it or not, this is not 1980, and seeing girls in bikinis with the word “Babes” under them is actually the tamest thing these kids are likely to encounter. To my mind, naming apps like these with the words “babes” or “boobs” is a good thing, as that is how they will appear on their parent;s credit cards.
But whatever the reason, Apple is really acting like a bunch of puritanical hypocrites here, and I just hope they come to their senses. And not just because we were 4 days away from releasing our official Mac Chick of the Month app.
… Although I’m not holding my breath. I can’t remember the last time Apple ever admitted one of their policies was wrong or changed their mind about any decision.
Oh, and by the way, you can buy the full 2 Live Crew discology on iTunes. And yes, the album covers feature girls in bikinis
Apple Store Wedding looks as uncomfortable as you’d think
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, Cynicism, Geek Love, video
As big a fanboy as I am, and as understanding as the Bride of Macenstein is, I don’t think I would ever attempt to get married in an Apple store. It’s sort of like getting married in your mistress’s apartment. Yet that’s what the Li’s did this Sunday (Valentine’s Day). Yes, there’s nothing like committing to spend the rest of your life with someone as strangers shop disinterestedly for iPod cases nearby. It’s GOT to be what Mrs. Li drew pictures of as a girl.
For those of you keeping track at home, getting married in a publicity-stunt-like manner ON Valentine’s Day is TWO strikes. Oh, and getting married by a guy dressed as Steve Jobs? That’s like 10 more strikes.
I give this marriage 3 years.
[via switched]
Enter our “What Will Steve Call His Book?” Sweepstakes!
Filed under: Apple Fanboyism, Awesomeness, Free Stuff, Steve Jobs, contests
This contest is closed. Congrats to faithful Macenstein reader Dr. Who who won with his entry of “One More Thing…”
With news that the notoriously private Steve Steve jobs has hired former managing editor of Time magazine Walter Isaacson to write his official autobiography, one can only wonder what Steve’s masterpiece will be titled. Will it be something cutesy, with an “i” in the front, like “iLife”, or “iAm So Rich”? Or something more obvious like “Why I’m so Awesome” or “I Will Eat Google’s Lunch”?
(Whatever it’s called, odds are the book will physically LOOK better than other CEO autobiographies and cost roughly 50% more.)
While one can never guess what Steve will do next, we’ve decided to let YOU try to help him out by coming up with the ultimate title for his book. Leave us a comment with your best ideas, funny or serious. We’ll pick our top 5 or 10 entries and put it them up for a reader poll. Enter as often as you’d like. 
Winner will receive a $50 iTunes gift certificate. The contest is open to everyone in the US (sorry, iTunes won’t let us buy gift certificates to non-US accounts), and runs until Friday (March 5th) at 11:59PM EST.
