Macenstein

As long-time readers know, and short-term readers can probably guess, nothing scares me more than the thought of going to a wedding. I have long said I would rather go to 10 funerals than one wedding, and not simply because I know more people I would rather see dead than happily paired off (although there is probably something to that). No, for me as a non-drinker, non-dancing, borderline agoraphobic sociopath, the whole reception thing is an excruciating 4-5 hours of social awkwardness, followed by another hour of me trying to get my wife to leave. So as you can imagine, probably the last thing I would ever download from iTunes would be a video of a wedding.

However, I realize that (luckily) most of the planet is not as cynical and damaged as I, and for those of you who can’t get enough of weddings, especially weddings of people you don’t personally know, you’re in luck. The Associated Press is reporting that Decca Records plans to make the entire Royal Wedding ceremony of Prince William and Kate Middleton available on iTunes immediately following the service in London’s Westminster Abbey.

Now, while the thought of watching the royal wedding on my iPhone or computer doesn’t sound all that appealing to me, I realize there are literally millions of other people who are into these types of vicarious peep shows, so I won’t knock the logic behind it. But what I WILL knock about it is that there appears to be some debate as to whether or not there will be any video at all, or if this is simply an audio-only affair. The fact that Decca Records is the one doing this production (and the fact that they’re calling it an “album” has led some to speculate we may be only getting an audio stream of the wedding.

Wow. Imagine all the excitement of LISTENING to the ambient sound of a church service, again, of people who don’t know you. This would even take the voyeuristic appeal I can kinda, sorta of see out of the process, as you certainly won’t be able to HEAR how hot Kate Middleton looks in her gown (or not, if she blows it and does a severe “up” hairstyle as so many brides mistakenly do).

Crap, now I’M curious!

Either way, video or audio, I’ll try not to act surprised when we see it sitting on the top of the iTunes chart. After all, 1000 gossip magazines and 1000 inane reality TVs shows can’t be wrong – people apparently NEED to see this stuff. And if they can’t SEE it, they need to HEAR it.