Well, the good news is, now Apple has 6 months to build a sex robot! - Macenstein

Well, the good news is, now Apple has 6 months to build a sex robot!

My fellow Apple stockholders and I have a saying – “This sucks“.

The saying was first popularized on September 8th of last year, and then subsequently RE-popularized on September 17th and 29th – and then finally put on Tee shirts on October 7th. It stems from the seemingly unstoppable plunge in Apple’s stock price in recent months. Even Phil Schiller’s announcement of a new copy of iWork last week was unable to reverse the trend.

Now, as an Apple stockholder, and owner of at least one of pretty much everything Apple has made in the last 10 years (except iWork), I have taken it upon myself to figure out how to turn this company around, and I am happy to say, today I finally have the answer.

But we’ll have to move quickly.

Today’s “surprise” news by Steve Jobs that he is taking a 6 month leave of absence to work on his health issues and avoid the intense media scrutiny he is apparently suffering from has afforded us all a unique opportunity to do something amazing at Apple. With the cat away, the mice will have a brief chance to play, and I think we all know what that means. We now have approximately 6 months to develop an Apple-branded sex robot before Steve gets back and kicks our asses.

Apple sex robot

Why do we need a sex robot?

Seriously? You’re asking that? Ok, well, Apple has traditionally been very good at creating cool products that people can live without, and then convincing them they cannot live without them. This job largely falls to Steve who has Macworld after Macworld has had to convince us that the price was reasonable for a very slightly thinner notebook with hardly any features, or that it is an honor to watch Randy Newman play Toy Story songs. However, with Steve now gone, Apple needs to start making products that the public does not need to be convinced they need to buy. And what is the one thing that will sell like a sex robot, even in a bad economy? That’s right! A Sex Robot!

I’m picturing a cross between Wall-E’s girlfriend and the girl in the Fembot iPhone app, but I will let Jonathan Ive tackle that one. I’m just an idea man. So, let’s get cracking folks! It might mean working late, it might mean working weekends, but in the end, it will mean a stock price we can all be proud of.

15 Responses to “Well, the good news is, now Apple has 6 months to build a sex robot!”
  1. Brad says:

    I’m in and I am willing to donate as much of my free time as nesasary to beta, heck even alpha test this unit. I know I will have to work for hours maybe even days without pay on this project, but I am willing to do that to help out Apple’s shareholders

  2. D'Juan says:


    What can I do to be a part of this awesomeness? Because I’m freakin’ IN!

  3. Xero says:

    so you want a real life eve from Applegeeks?

    Im for that

  4. odin says:

    It had to have a cup holder.

  5. Sandy says:

    I’m with you. What really sucks ist, that they kicked the chart everytime it tried to go up again with a new announcement. Would be better if there hat been on big an true announcement at the beginning and that’s it. Next up will be photoshopped pictures of Steve Jobs “alive”, like we know them from this Korean guy…

  6. jimmyg says:

    I like this. We should definitely build it while Steve is out to make sure she has enough ports.

    On second thought, Steve will come back, like the idea and then say it was his own. He’ll release a new version, and she’ll be lighter and thinner.

    Maybe we should wait.

  7. Rowlings says:

    There, I said it.

  8. Shaunathan says:

    My question is battery life…

    I think a replaceable battery is a MUST.

  9. iShervin says:

    Bcoz of u Dr, I am going to buy apple share! and wait 6 month 😀

  10. Xero says:

    way i look at it anything that’s in development wont need Steve to be there to work on and any one cold do the day to day crap so its better that he gets better.

    but just to be safe let us pray

    Our Woz who art in California
    Hallowed be thy log in
    thy source be coded thy products be gold
    on earth as it is in one infinite loop
    log off

  11. the0ne says:

    Have you been listening to Howard Stern?

    He went on and on about Steve building the “iPussy,” which is a sex robot that cleans its self out after use.

    Find some original material!

  12. Nathan says:

    I think EVE on her lonesome is fine; I’d tap that.

  13. jonro says:

    An attractive fembot that could cook and clean? Sorry girls, buy your own dinner 😉 I hate to say it, but the marriage rate would take a nosedive. On the bright side, so would the divorce rate.

  14. odin says:

    Nathan is into Pixar porn.

  15. Nathan says:


    I got into Apple because their products remind me of EVE, so I guess you could say that… 😉

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