I hate 13-year olds - Macenstein

I hate 13-year olds

God, I am so pissed at 13 year old Connor Muicahey of Weston, Connecticut who basically stole my Billion iPhone app prize. That’s right, a 13-year old won my $10,000 iTunes card, my Time Capsule, my 32 GB iPod touch, AND my 17″ MacBook Pro. Wouldn’t YOU be pissed if someone did that to you? I mean, it’s almost like the kid broke into my house. Why didn’t he take my TV while he was at it?

Man. And what’s even worse is that the Mac media seems to love it. “Oh, how cute! A 13- year old boy won all that stuff! That’s great!” Yeah, well, you know what would have been greater? If I had won it.

That’s right, a 13-year old with an iPhone. That hard-wroking kid must have some paper route! I can just picture this so-called “Connor”, hair of gold, sitting in his Connecticut mansion, sweater tied around his shoulders, tennis racket in hand, downloading “Bump” for his iPhone (obviously using the non-tennis racket holding hand).

Even the app he downloaded pisses me off. “Bump”. So, not only does Connor have an iPhone, but SO many of his friends have iPhones, that he needs a faster way to wirelessly transfer his friend’s contact info from their iPhones to HIS iPhone. That’s right, Connor comes from a whole town of 13-year old Connors with iPhones, and right now they are playing a game of Polo using the 32 GB iPod touch as the ball, having long since grown tired of their usual jewel encrusted Faberge Eggs.

Oh, and I am sure Connor will put my 17′ MacBook Pro to good use. I bet right now he is checking his Facebook profile on it, which is really straining those 2.9GHz Core Duos. I only hope he has the Energy Saver settings tagged at “Higher Performance” to really get the most out of all 512 MB of RAM in that NVIDIA GeForce 9600GT. Good thing he has my Time Capsule too – wouldn’t want to lose any of that important work he’s doing on it.

Damn. This is really just a crime, and I wish to put out a call to all my fellow Mac bloggers out there to stop treating this as a light hearted human interest story and instead see it as the horrible tragedy that it is.

22 Responses to “I hate 13-year olds”
  1. Kutt-Out says:


  2. The Lab says:

    We agree it is a crime and we will treat it as such!

  3. Steve says:

    Haha, nicely put… Cute? No. Annoying? Yes. Does deserve it? Well, it was a competition of sorts so he was just lucky. Will he get the most out of it? Absolutely not. There are only so many My Chemical Romance albums one person can buy, even with 10k.

  4. Graham says:

    No Doc, I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be mine. :p

  5. Jonro says:

    No, the honor for the billionth app should have been mine. I was number 1,000,000,001 and all I got to show for it was a free song of the week download.

  6. Brad says:

    Nice, kind of funny when you put it that way – why was he downloading Bump??

    Doc – what ever happened to the iPhone app that YOU wanted to develop?? Is that still in the works?

  7. Daniel says:

    I was a little irritated when I found out about this too. Aside from the fact that I could totally put every single thing that he won to much much better use, I also did some research (did a Wikipedia search) on Weston, CT, and found this little tidbit of further-enraging information:

    “Like many towns in Southwestern Connecticut, Weston is among the most affluent communities in the United States. Data collected in 2008 showed that Weston had the highest median household income in Fairfield County, US$185,377. Weston’s ZIP code (06883) was identified in 2005 as the sixth most affluent one in the U.S.”

    That’s right. So not only will this kid get nothing out of any of his prizes, but his family is probably filthy rich as it is (if not “filthy rich” than surely doing pretty well). Plus, if this kid really has an iPhone, he’s probably spoiled as hell anyway, and his parents probably would have bought him all of this stuff.

    Silver spoon, indeed.

  8. Mac Matt says:

    maybe someone should bump him off

  9. Teegan says:

    Doc, just go get back what is yours….You probably have every right to go break into his house and get your stuff back…….Although, you might have trouble with the full house security system they are sure to have.

  10. The real problem was that Apple only allowed a small part of the world to compete πŸ™

    Why didn’t they allow all the countries that have App Stores to compete ???

    That was a bit rude πŸ™

  11. thisisjohnny says:

    @adrian because america is the only nation worth counting [/sarcasm]

    i can’t believe that little turd β€” with no knowledge of how the world is going to beat him down with wave after wave of disappointment β€”Β is granted this most fortunate of fortunes. meanwhile the people like me who slave away in front of whiteboards in comfortable air-conditioned office buildings, solving the world’s most pressing issues, saving governments and nations billions of dollars.. well we get nothing. not even a, “hey β€” thanks for doing what you do.”


  12. Matt Davis says:

    if he was a college student AT LEAST, it would have been put to better use. damn that rich kid, I would be less mad if he downloaded an expensive paid app, not bump.

  13. Tyson Junkers says:

    I never new that the person who downloads the billionth app wins… I thought if you downloaded an app in general during the last week or so you where entered into a drawing… But really apple should have thought twice about letting the kid win! Nobody would have noticed had they given it to someone else. I understand he was the 1,000,000,000 downloader, but he’s 13 years old!?!?! Come on Apple! Stop making stupid decisions when the Steve isn’t around!

  14. Stephen says:

    Oh i do think its a shame that a 13 year old won all that stuff because he won’t use it, but I’m just jealous and wish that when i was 13 I would have won a prize like that. Good for him. Can’t believe this was blog worthy.

  15. darrell says:

    i bet he’s not even a kid. we’ve got case of identity theft and that disease that gary coleman has.

  16. imajoebob says:

    As one who lives in (not Weston) Connecticut, I can tell you that this is a town where 13-year olds hire other kids to manage their paper routes. Which helps explain how anyone could give an iPhone (or even touch) to a teen.

    I wonder the chance this kid will donate any of his prizes to help charities in nearby Bridgeport, barely 10 miles away? Connecticut’s largest and poorest city.

  17. Luke says:

    Poor MBP is probably going to be excecuted on Connors super sweet 16 when daddy buys him a gold plated updated version all the while my MacBook is slowly falling to pieces,

  18. Dimitri says:

    Seriously, i also had the impression that you enter a drawing, and not the way that the kid won, just being the one billionth downloader.
    otherwise, whats the point of giving you the 25 free application forms per day?????
    i lost so much of my precious time to fill up as many forms as i could, millions of places before we would hit the one billion. thats surely misleading, so that 13-years-old punk gets his cheapest gift of the day…

  19. Keira says:

    This kid should not have won. Don’t you have to be over 18 to own a credit/debit card and be able to make purchases online? Why does this brat even have a bank account? He’s 13!

    The prize should have been awarded to someone else who would actually make use of it, not some punk kid who should be doing his homework and not messing about on the internet or talking to his gay little friends on his iPhone.

    We never had mobile phones when we were 13, they were reserved for very rich yuppy businessmen types who could afford them. Now every toddler has a sodding mobile phone.

    When this generation of bratty kids grows up, human civilisation as we know it will end.

  20. imajoebob says:

    @Keira – Parents can set up (prepaid?) accounts for their kids, and anyone can use an iTunes gift card.

    And let’s be honest: this could’ve been an 80-year old retired teacher and grandmother from Ames, Iowa, and we’d still be pissed at her because she won and we didn’t!! (Damn old biddies…)

  21. Mike says:

    I am from connecticut, and you are actually… incredibly accurate about us people from Connecticut

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