The most optimistic/delusional press release ever - Macenstein

The most optimistic/delusional press release ever

Now that Steve Jobs is back in command at Apple, it looks like the first order of business will be of the “monkey” variety – at least according to this somewhat optimistic press release by iPorn:

iPorn’s last trip to visit Apple

iPorn Girls to Visit Top Execs at Apple iPhone Headquarters

In an attempt to lobby approval of the new iPorn iPhone App 5 open-minded iPorn girls will visit Apple Headquarters with hopes of negotiating a mutually beneficial partnership.

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif., Sept. 14 /PRNewswire/ — The infamous iPorn horse and carriage from the Apple WWDC may be coming out of its barn once again! iPorn intends to send at least 5 iPorn girls to the Apple executive board room for a powwow. The visit with Apple is being coordinated and is expected to take place in the next few weeks. Due to the honed negotiating skills of the iPorn Girls the company fully expects Apple will be convinced of how mutually beneficial a partnership with iPorn could be. A person very familiar with the
matter said Apple execs are likely to respond favorably to the iPorn girls’ high level of motivation and willingness to bend over backwards in order to close a deal.

Currently the iPorn mobile application is available only by visiting iPorn from your mobile phone (at iPorn dot com). Photos of the iPorn Girls can also be found on the iPorn mobile site as well as on the iPorn PC/Mac website. Both iPorn and its customers believe that having to open the safari browser on the iPhone in order to visit the iPorn website is too much of a hassle. An app that is accessible only to adults would be much more effective and safe. The whole world is waiting for Apple to stop controlling the type of applications its users are allowed to access. The approval of the iPorn iPhone app would be Apple’s first step in the right direction – NO MORE CENSORSHIP!

While I’m sure such a visit would boost moral at Apple, somehow I feel that despite iPorn’s assurance that “The visit with Apple is being coordinated “, this coordination is likely being done more with their carriage driver than any Apple execs. But I have a feeling this press release was written with tongue planted firmly in cheek (among other places). Ba Dum Bum!

Personally I’m still a little confused as to why Apple’s iTunes rating system/parental controls are OK with gruesome disembowelings and bloody torture scenes, yet feel the need to protect the kids from hot chicks. However I also respect Apple’s right to decide what does and doesn’t go on their device  (I don’t see a big “Why no porn on the Nintendo DS?!” movement, so I’m not sure why Apple has to cave).

On a side note, I found this on Reuters. For some reason I thought Reuters were above posting random insane press releases… but hey, I read it, so I guess it’s a good way to get the word out about things. I’m actually thinking of sending Reuters a press release of an upcoming garage sale I’m having next week.

2 Responses to “The most optimistic/delusional press release ever”
  1. Mark says:

    No one should ever pay for porn. If you can’t find free porn on the internet you are an idiot.

  2. Matt Davis says:

    I knew I should’ve went to WWDC. FML. 🙂

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