Macenstein

The main thing to take away from Samsung’s latest “Apple users and mindless, line-waiting sheep” commercial is that Samsung is running out of meaningful features to showcase to help set itself apart (above?) from the iPhone.

Now, first of all, I doubt if anyone standing in an iPhone launch line would excitedly say “The connector’s all digital, what does that even mean?!?!”, or “I hear the headphone jack is on the BOTTOM”, sounding very much like like Cletus the Slack-jawed yokel. But let’s forget for a moment how Samsung is portraying Apple fans it presumably wishes would line up for IT’S stuff, and take a look at all the “cool” features we are missing out by not owning a Galaxy 3.

First, there is the insanely useful touch-phones-to-share-a-playlist feature. This is something positively EVERYONE would use, and is not gimmicky at all. Let’s not dwell on the poor odds of not only finding two Galaxy users, but two Galaxy users with similar taste in music who know each other.

Next is the LTE speeds, which now that we have with the iPhone 5, Samsung’s answer is “Oh yeah, we’ve had that for awhile”. OK, but we DO have it NOW, right? So is that a feature…?

Next is “Oh, you have a big screen? Well, ours is still bigger” argument. I’m sure there are complimentary “Yeah, but mine fits in my pocket” And “I can use mine with one hand” arguments that could be had, but let’s not dwell on clownishly-large screen sizes here.

One of my favorite selling points Samsung touts that you can watch a video while you’re sending an email. This is a LIFESAVER, and I can really see that being a gamechanger. Look out Apple.

But by far the best part of the ad is when all the Apple hipsters see that the Samsung fanatic was saving a spot in line – wait for it – not for some super hot cool chick or fellow hipster, but for HIS ANCIENT PARENTS! Oh snap! The iPhone is clearly your grandma’s phone. Which is for the best, as you just KNOW they wouldn’t know the first thing about sharing playlists with bumping phones anyway.