The 21 Worst Apple-themed wallpapers ever
#12
Pac-App. Hmmm… why? Just… why? If you are going to do a Pac-Man theme, why not make the Apple logo yellow? Why not make the dots white? Why not decide NOT to make it?
#13
Odds are you’ve already spotted 7 things wrong with this one, but I’ll go over a couple of the big ones anyway. Apparently created by “SoulRocka Nasty”, this one serves as more an ego boost for Mr. Nasty as much as an Apple tribute. He seems to be giving a healthy dose of “mad props” to the Macintosh, the G4, and the Mac OS, but using this rather depressing shot of Chief Sitting Bull to support his incredibly clever “Mac OS Hail to the Chief” slogan, is just 2 steps beyond tacky. Combine that with the horrible typography, complete with poor kerning, bevels and a drop shadow set so as to make the text dizzying to read, and you have a desktop so bad any 4-year old would laugh at it.
#14
This wallpaper, presumably created by the Madrid Mac usergroup site GUM Madrid, is just plain disturbing. While this shows more thought and skill than the previous desktops (the slogan translates to “we continue to grow”) the hairy chested, cross-eyed baby is just not something any rational person would make their desktop. At least they didn’t shave the Apple logo into the kid’s chest hair.
#15
Think Black. OK, so what exactly does that mean? I’ll admit I’m not sure, but I doubt this desktop will inspire anyone to think anything other than yikes. The horrible color scheme, background, and awkward text placements go completely against Apple’s design aesthetics, and somehow I think the “Think Black” message goes completely against Nelson Mandela’s whole philosophy. Double fail.
#16
no no no no no NO! This Dawson’s Creek desktop fails again and again. Here we see Jack, Joey, Dawson, Pacey and Jen, and then, “Apple”. Presumably he is part of the gang, but couldn’t make it to the photoshoot, so they tacked him on like the kid in the yearbook who was absent on the day of school pictures. This desktop annoys me because the point here seems to be they are lumping Apple in with the Dawson gang, yet they chose a different font for “Apple”, and threw him down in the bottom right corner, more like a dog, or a pet sidekick like Snarf from Thundercats than a true member of the gang.
#17
OK, let’s go along with the premise that all Mac users hate Windows. You know what else they hate? Bad design. And Photoshop’s “cloud” filter.
#18
“Go up and up away”? Superman makes his second blurry appearance on the list, this time to help illustrate how important it is to speak the language you are designing a wallpaper for. This text is so stilted and awkward, even Bizarro laughs at it.
#19
Mac OS XXX. How do you make 2 girls about to kiss NOT erotic? You do this. The fact that the creator got lazy and used the same girl twice gives the impression that perhaps these are twin sisters about to kiss, which either makes this even creepier, or even hotter, depending on whether or not you live in West Virginia. (I’m kidding of course. I Love West Virginia).
#20
Racism Sucks. Yes, it sure does. And guess what else sucks? (You may have to click on that one to fully appreciate how much eye pain the line pattern causes). In general, political messages, especially poorly designed ones, do not work well as desktop wallpaper. I’m all for ending racism, but if I was given a choice between ending racism on this planet and using that picture as my laptop’s wallpaper… well, let’s just hope I am never faced with such a decision.
#21
Wow. OK, I’m all against kids lying next to the bodies of their dead mothers, but why are we bringing Apple into this? The only way this desktop would work is if Apple manufactured weapons of some kind (and no, the G4 “supercomputer” does not count) and their slogan was “Think Orphans”. But they don’t, so this desktop fails as both a message and a desktop. After all, the whole point of a desktop wallpaper is that someone would actually put it on their desktop, and I would like to think there is no such person on the planet that would do that.
Oh dear…. best post of the day.
On no. 19 “Mac OS XXX” is only missing a loaded cup for it to become meaningful in an insidious way.
Thanks Doc; for making me laugh out loud at my desk. The kid and the chest hair really did it for me.
The worst thing about Photoshop is anyone who gets it thinks they’re awesome at it. . .it’s like MySpace and everyone’s custom CSS.
How about a post about the 21 worst myspace pages? It may take you a year of looking through every profile, minus the private ones, but that’d be interesting. Or hey, the 21 worst apple themed myspace pages. I’ve seen them, they exist. . .
I find the whale in the Apple logo in space to be very poignant and a very strong metaphor. Of what, I don’t know yet.
Okay, gotta admit, “[a]t least they didn’t shave the Apple logo into the kid’s chest hair” made me laugh out loud. Well done.
#11 reminds me of the whale in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
“..hey, what’s this roaring sound, whooshing past what I’m suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It’ll do.”
What’s this I’m flying past? It’s pretty! I’ll call it Apple. What kind? Rome! No. Gala? No. Macintosh! Yes, I’ll call it Macintosh. I wish there was a unicorn for me to fall on. Wait, what’s a unicorn?
Hahahahahah!!! And there are much more on the web!!!
the swastika doesn’t necessarily mean Nazi… asian temples are full of these symbols 😛
3 swastika’s in 1 post… That’s what separates Macenstein from the rest!! lol
Well done! Very nice compilation of really bad wallpapers.
You could have said about #21 that the maker also failed in using the colors of the apple logo. He completely dearranged them!
Well, many pool games are played on pocket-less tables. Personally, I dont think the games on tables with pockets are the most interesting ones…
I always knew Batman was a mac user!
The whale in #11 is an orca, which incidentally is the mascot of GNUstep. So it kinda fits.
I can see you put a lot of time and effort into this. In fact, I laughed hysterically at several of the captions.
But… Mac Chick? Please?
Maybe Ellis would like you to balance the MacChick with an “Ugliest Mac User of the Day” feature. Or maybe a Mac Hunk?
..or even a cutest pet sitting on a Mac of the day
🙂
#8 is a snooker table, it’s not supposed to have pockets. Other than that it is a horrid desktop.
I’d like to know how you win a game of snooker without pockets to sink the balls into.
from the first line of the wiki entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snooker):
Snooker is a cue sport that is played on a large baize-covered table with pockets in each of the four corners and in the middle of each of the long side cushions.
-limey snooker player
Since when did snooker tables not have pockets?
These are some of the worst….but thank you for giving us one of the best Apple themed wallpaper in the history of man…er…hot woman.
I mean WOW- look at her touch dials… https://macenstein.com/archives/1473/2
Carom games are the ones that require pocket-less tables
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carom_billiards
Waiting for proof of Godwin’s Law.
“Think Gyllenhaal” …that one made me LOL
Picture #6: The Mac was capable of “millions of colors” back to System 6 days (with extension) and System 7 days (native). The bondi blue stripe in #6 is obviously for Mac OS 9 icons running down the right hand side of the desktop. This is confirmed by having the light source in the upper right rather than directly overhead. Yes, it may seem silly in OS X, but people make cut outs for the dock along the bottom.
http://www.thebeergoggler.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/maggie_grace_chair_41.jpg
It’s Maggie Grace from Lost.
Wow, some pretty hot looking chicks there. Hey Now!
JT
http://www.FireMe.to/udi
It’s pretty obvious all these “artists” were torn. “Clever or Thoughtful? Clever or Thoughtful? Clever..?” In they end they all came to exactly the same decision:
Neither.
You owe me some new pants.
That was the most deliciously decadent piss-pantsing laughter inducing list _ever_.
Great list.
Of course, there were Nazi aliens on Enterprise, if you don’t mind that show’s whole “Temporal Cold War” plot.
BS about the Swastika, it doesn’t look at all, just because it’s a circle doesn’t mean it’s intended.
But, good post! 🙂
Thomas look again, the apples look like a swastika totally.
Absolutely hilarious! People actually spent TIME to make these??? …. well, not much…..
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/The-Apple-Pirate-apple-602516_1024_768.jpg
Is this the Officaul Butt Pirate logo? And you think they ride big Wheels?
i liked superman wallpaper
it’s now on my wall
thnkss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oc4qLfI_-l4
no pocket table.
😉
This is definitly the worse set of wallpapers I’ve ever seen.
As for the snooker without holes, I’ve seen people play that game. I don’t know the name, but it goes like this:
The idea of the game is to control the cue ball. You have only three balls on the table, Cue (white), 1 red and 1 yellow. The purpose of the game is to hit the cue ball into the first colored ball, and then, make it bounce and hit the other ball, all in the same strike.
It’s an amazingly hard game, only for the elite gamers, as I have never seen a man below the age of 45 play it.
That’s why it doesn’t need holes, because the object to hit the two balls, and when that happens, its your opponents turn to hit them. Very simple idea, but very very hard to do.
Almost half the Mac computers in the world are outside the US – pocketless biliard tables are common in Europe, especially for French versions of the game of Caromb
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billiards